Our Little Angel Girl

Almost 4 years ago a little angel came to live with us. From day one, our daughter Shannon had a perpetual, contagious smile and a sweet demeanor. I remember looking at her pretty long fingers, full lips and big brown eyes and thinking, “Isn’t she lovely…isn’t she won-der-ful.” She was so feminine – go figure, being that she was a girl. It was such a blessing to have someone so pleasant and unique join our family.

She was born at a very turbulent time in my life. I had just lost my Dad to colon cancer and my Mom was suffering from lung cancer and had only weeks to live. It was as if God blessed me with my second pregnancy to have a new life to look forward to and to ease the pain of loss. We didn’t know at that point that Alex had autism.

I’ll never forget the day Daddy brought Alex to the hospital to introduce him to her. We tried to prepare Alex for months, pretending with a doll and all that. He wasn’t very interested in his "new baby sister seminars" and much preferred lining up his letters.

Alex walked into the room and over to the hospital bed where Shannon and I were lying. I said “Hi buddy, look who’s here…your new little sister! Her name is Shannon…” He started sobbing and backed up into the corner. He looked absolutely devastated. He kept saying “Mommy go home”. The invitation wasn’t extended to Shannon.

Alex’s anxiety escalated and my husband had to take him home. I just laid there and cried. I was elated to have her and sad that my little boy was so confused and didn’t approve of a new baby joining our family.

When we got home, it didn’t get any better. Alex would try to sabotage my nursing sessions with Shannon by getting too close and swinging things around. I remember having to keep him back with my feet while trying to feed her. He would say that he wanted her to go away - to go home. I remember Alex falling asleep that first night on his bedroom floor and me laying down beside him sobbing. I just lost my Dad, my Mom was sick and now my son is distant from me.

Alex and I were close. We did everything together and I enjoyed just waking up every morning to see him. I remember pushing him around Food 4 Less in the cart while I talked and sang to him and just acted silly. He’d reach out to touch passers by and they’d greet him with a smile and kind words about how cute he is. I’d ask him for his opinion on what Gerber jars I should buy, not really expecting an answer. He was my little buddyinski. I wondered if we were ever going to have our special moments together ever again.

It was a hard first year and a half. Alex was a threat to Shannon, not understanding that she was just a baby. I could never leave them alone for long for fear he’d harm her. Within minutes Shannon would start crying because Alex pushed her down, hit her or bit her. His behavior wasn’t malicious, he just saw this wiggly little being as something that scared him and hurt his ears when it cried. As much as I loved Alex, no one harms my little girl, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry.

When she started to crawl and walk they began to connect in small ways. We’d tell Alex to touch her gently, to give her a kiss. He’d do it and be nice, then shove her down when we weren’t looking.

Then, when Shannon was close to two, I saw them pretend playing and giggling in a tent together with stuffed animals. I was so thrilled. I took tons of video footage. Things continued to get better from there.

Shannon has learned to speak her mind and defend herself. She has been known to hide his favorite stuffed animals and blame him for things she actually did. Her acting job is so convincing, De Niro would be proud.

This last summer they were inseparable. I could actually clean house and talk on the phone while they remained entertained with just each other. Alex seeks her out to play and asks about her when she’s gone. He has admitted that he loves her.

Shannon is very patient and forgiving of her brother, often coaching him on how to play and be a good friend. The other day at the dinner table, Alex was acting up and Shannon said, “That’s a bad attitude…you should say your sorry”. Other times, she’ll shake her head and shrug her shoulders as if to say, “There he goes again.”

Shannon joins Alex in his therapy sessions. She’ll wait for her turn to be included in the play and will barely get the chance if Alex isn’t cooperating. She’ll look at me with her soft brown eyes and patently whisper, “Mommy, do I get a chance to play now?” She once asked me why Alex gets to play so much more than her on these occasions. I told her that Alex needs to learn how to play so he can make friends. We are helping him learn how.

I’m so amazed at how she just accepts without question. She is his best friend and a fine therapist – helping him along with how to relate to others, play nice and use his words. “Talk to me! Say something!,” she’ll demand. She goes along with what he wants to do mostly without question and is patient even when he’s not sharing or including her like he should. “This one’s mine and that one’s yours, okay Alex?”

She doesn’t know just yet that Alex is different. To her, Alex is her quirky brother whom she loves and can play with.

I’m anxious for the day when the questions about him are raised and when he’ll get teased in front of her for the first time. She has inherited a wee bit of an Irish temper. Maybe I should be more concerned about the sorry little lad who dares to mock her bro!