The D.O.V.E.S. Guidance Program

Last year, I started looking into riding programs for Alex. I read that learning how to ride a horse can be very therapeutic and I thought one might help Alex conquer some of his fears (those animals are big!). I envisioned him developing a sweet horse/boy relationship, kinda like in “My Friend Flicka” or something.

Weeks later, a friend of mine hit the jackpot and told me a Horsemanship Program had started right here in Lodi. It’s called The D.O.V.E.S. Guidance Program – a family and youth ranch Horsemanship Program held at Oxford Ranch. Their brochure reads, “It’s a family owned facility where children and their families can experience the Horse and learn about Horsemanship. From grooming to riding, children and their families learn that a relationship between a child and a horse can be a very special friendship.”

Owned and run by Gayle and Shannon Oxford, D.O.V.E.S. is a non-profit program and is dependent on donations in the form of money and/or supplies. The recommended age is 7, but for younger children, they suggest an interview to see if the child is ready for a "horse experience".

I phoned Gayle to inquire as to whether or not she was willing to work with Alex, being that he has the special challenge of autism. Even though D.O.V.E.S. isn’t necessarily a therapeutic riding program, Gayle was very much willing to work with Alex and just see how it goes.

On our first visit, I needed to fill out some paperwork and then we got started. Gayle was so patient and gentle with Alex, introducing him to Rosie, a sweet and gentle pony on the ranch.

There was a point where I thought I should just call it quits because Alex was getting so bothered by all the sights, smells and sounds of the ranch. Just as I was about to shake hands with Gayle, Alex agreed to feed Rosie. I teared up when he jumped up and down with excitement after Rosie took a biscuit from his hand. Alex was even brushing and petting her by the end. For a kid who has lots of sensory issues and parents who only expose him to farms for Easter Egg Hunts, I thought he did pretty good.

By the end of our third visit, Gayle saddled up Rosie and Alex reluctantly sat on top of her for about 10 seconds. He said she felt “wiggly”. That was truly a victory!

To find out more about this exciting program, you can contact Gayle and Shannon Oxford at 209-224-0311, or you can e-mail them at doves@clearwire.net. Check out their website at www.thedovesprogram.com.

Slowing Down

When we first began to research autism and the deficits caused by the disorder, we were told to slow down – not only our speech but also our lives in order to maintain a comfortable, safe and low anxiety home for Alex. It takes a conscious effort and can be hard to maintain with life’s pressures nipping at your heels.

We were reminded in these last few months that Alex has great difficulty making out what people are telling him. If we say “Alex, put on your shoes”, due to his auditory processing difficulties, he may only hear “Alex…”.

I’m feelin’ the guilt as I reflect on the times I’ve gotten so frustrated with him for not responding to my commands quickly. I would repeat myself over and over again, increasing in volume like people do when they're talking to someone hard of hearing, and would work myself into an angry tizzy. What looks like defiance is, in actuality, his inability to process my request. When I reduce my speed of speech considerably and leave time for him to respond, he understands me and has a much better obedience track record.

Along those same lines, I discovered something else a few days ago. Whenever I’ve given him a hair cut, Alex would pretty much act like I was taking his head off. I’m talkin’ screaming and yelling till every nerve in my body (and the neighbors’) was completely shot! In the midst of the mania, I’d go faster, flinging chunks of hair on the floor, trying to get the task over as soon as possible for all our sakes.

Well, a few days ago I braced myself for another session of misery as I sat him down for his tri-annual trim. But this time, to my surprise, he looked up at me and said, “Mommy, go slow...go slow Mommy”. I obediently obeyed. He kept coaching me through it, “No, you’re going too fast…slow down…okay, that’s good…wait, slow down…”. Wouldn’t you know it, he didn’t cry once.

I cried though, at the realization that for the last 5 years I could have saved him ample frustration and discomfort by simply slowing down. He just wasn’t able to express himself enough to tell me what he needed.