We were reminded in these last few months that Alex has great difficulty making out what people are telling him. If we say “Alex, put on your shoes”, due to his auditory processing difficulties, he may only hear “Alex…”.
I’m feelin’ the guilt as I reflect on the times I’ve gotten so frustrated with him for not responding to my commands quickly. I would repeat myself over and over again, increasing in volume like people do when they're talking to someone hard of hearing, and would work myself into an angry tizzy. What looks like defiance is, in actuality, his inability to process my request. When I reduce my speed of speech considerably and leave time for him to respond, he understands me and has a much better obedience track record.
Along those same lines, I discovered something else a few days ago. Whenever I’ve given him a hair cut, Alex would pretty much act like I was taking his head off. I’m talkin’ screaming and yelling till every nerve in my body (and the neighbors’) was completely shot! In the midst of the mania, I’d go faster, flinging chunks of hair on the floor, trying to get the task over as soon as possible for all our sakes.
Well, a few days ago I braced myself for another session of misery as I sat him down for his tri-annual trim. But this time, to my surprise, he looked up at me and said, “Mommy, go slow...go slow Mommy”. I obediently obeyed. He kept coaching me through it, “No, you’re going too fast…slow down…okay, that’s good…wait, slow down…”. Wouldn’t you know it, he didn’t cry once.
I cried though, at the realization that for the last 5 years I could have saved him ample frustration and discomfort by simply slowing down. He just wasn’t able to express himself enough to tell me what he needed.
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4 comments:
Molly! What a beautiful story. Years of hard work on everyone's part have brought Alex to a point where he can finally tell you what's going on!
Here is my behavioral perspective, if it makes you feel any better: if Alex hadn't experienced so many "fast" haircuts, he might not have the motivation to ask for a slow one. Do you know what I mean? He was motivated to figure out what was wrong with the previous haircuts (too fast), figure out what he wanted a haircut to be like (the opposite of fast- slow) and articulate that to you. There's a lot going on there, and I'm very impressed.
Please share this story with parents of younger autistic boys if you get the chance. Those buzzing clippers are like "Jaws" for many of them, too, but maybe all they need is for Mom or Dad to go slow, talk them through it, take breaks, etc.
Wow, Molly! That is SO great! How cool that he was able to tell you what was bothering him! That is HUGE! It is so great that something that once was so stressful for both of you doesn't have to be that way anymore! That is something to celebrate!
Molly, How wonderful for you and Alex to share his first calm haircut :-)
This is a great reminder for me to take it slow with Baker. I'm rushing her around often, "Must get the next chore done", etc. Thanks for sharing this!
We totally see the whole slow down thing with John. He understands us so much better if we can just remember to slow down!
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