The D.O.V.E.S. Guidance Program

Last year, I started looking into riding programs for Alex. I read that learning how to ride a horse can be very therapeutic and I thought one might help Alex conquer some of his fears (those animals are big!). I envisioned him developing a sweet horse/boy relationship, kinda like in “My Friend Flicka” or something.

Weeks later, a friend of mine hit the jackpot and told me a Horsemanship Program had started right here in Lodi. It’s called The D.O.V.E.S. Guidance Program – a family and youth ranch Horsemanship Program held at Oxford Ranch. Their brochure reads, “It’s a family owned facility where children and their families can experience the Horse and learn about Horsemanship. From grooming to riding, children and their families learn that a relationship between a child and a horse can be a very special friendship.”

Owned and run by Gayle and Shannon Oxford, D.O.V.E.S. is a non-profit program and is dependent on donations in the form of money and/or supplies. The recommended age is 7, but for younger children, they suggest an interview to see if the child is ready for a "horse experience".

I phoned Gayle to inquire as to whether or not she was willing to work with Alex, being that he has the special challenge of autism. Even though D.O.V.E.S. isn’t necessarily a therapeutic riding program, Gayle was very much willing to work with Alex and just see how it goes.

On our first visit, I needed to fill out some paperwork and then we got started. Gayle was so patient and gentle with Alex, introducing him to Rosie, a sweet and gentle pony on the ranch.

There was a point where I thought I should just call it quits because Alex was getting so bothered by all the sights, smells and sounds of the ranch. Just as I was about to shake hands with Gayle, Alex agreed to feed Rosie. I teared up when he jumped up and down with excitement after Rosie took a biscuit from his hand. Alex was even brushing and petting her by the end. For a kid who has lots of sensory issues and parents who only expose him to farms for Easter Egg Hunts, I thought he did pretty good.

By the end of our third visit, Gayle saddled up Rosie and Alex reluctantly sat on top of her for about 10 seconds. He said she felt “wiggly”. That was truly a victory!

To find out more about this exciting program, you can contact Gayle and Shannon Oxford at 209-224-0311, or you can e-mail them at doves@clearwire.net. Check out their website at www.thedovesprogram.com.

Slowing Down

When we first began to research autism and the deficits caused by the disorder, we were told to slow down – not only our speech but also our lives in order to maintain a comfortable, safe and low anxiety home for Alex. It takes a conscious effort and can be hard to maintain with life’s pressures nipping at your heels.

We were reminded in these last few months that Alex has great difficulty making out what people are telling him. If we say “Alex, put on your shoes”, due to his auditory processing difficulties, he may only hear “Alex…”.

I’m feelin’ the guilt as I reflect on the times I’ve gotten so frustrated with him for not responding to my commands quickly. I would repeat myself over and over again, increasing in volume like people do when they're talking to someone hard of hearing, and would work myself into an angry tizzy. What looks like defiance is, in actuality, his inability to process my request. When I reduce my speed of speech considerably and leave time for him to respond, he understands me and has a much better obedience track record.

Along those same lines, I discovered something else a few days ago. Whenever I’ve given him a hair cut, Alex would pretty much act like I was taking his head off. I’m talkin’ screaming and yelling till every nerve in my body (and the neighbors’) was completely shot! In the midst of the mania, I’d go faster, flinging chunks of hair on the floor, trying to get the task over as soon as possible for all our sakes.

Well, a few days ago I braced myself for another session of misery as I sat him down for his tri-annual trim. But this time, to my surprise, he looked up at me and said, “Mommy, go slow...go slow Mommy”. I obediently obeyed. He kept coaching me through it, “No, you’re going too fast…slow down…okay, that’s good…wait, slow down…”. Wouldn’t you know it, he didn’t cry once.

I cried though, at the realization that for the last 5 years I could have saved him ample frustration and discomfort by simply slowing down. He just wasn’t able to express himself enough to tell me what he needed.

Inappropriate Behavior

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…autism can be a wicked thing. One of the core deficits is the inability to understand social cues and norms. Throw high anxiety levels and an inability to see another’s point of view into the equation and you’ve got quite the behavioral mess.

Until recently, Alex was in a steady stream of trouble at school for inappropriately touching (little taps or pats), and in moments of high anxiety, hitting and kicking other kids.

He knows on an intellectual level that he should not hit, but his urges and impulses are strong and he has had a very hard time controlling himself, especially when under stress.

When he’s happy to see his classmates, he may pat them because he doesn’t know how else to express his excitement. There’s a positive side to this - it means he’s starting to enjoy and care for others in a deeper way. At other times, if he’s touched or brushed in to, he’ll do a “touch back” (a compulsion to make the interaction even perhaps?). When he’s in rare form, he’ll yell, start singing and refuse to do his work.

It is so very hard to separate the behavior of my child from myself. I find myself tensing daily as I pick him up from school, wondering if today has been yet another “bad” day.

Our team at school had a meeting and we came up with a plan that we hope and pray will remedy this situation. Alex has been temporarily removed from his typical classroom to a special ed class. The special ed teacher has graciously volunteered to train one full time aide to assist Alex with his struggles with behavior and schoolwork. Alex is also receiving help with self-control and we are proud of the progress he has made.

He will return to his regular ed class after winter break for short periods of time gradually increasing to the full day. If need be, he can regroup back in the special ed class.

Since Alex learned he had to leave his regular ed class for a while, he’s been very emotional. We can’t hear enough about how he wants to return and about how much he loves his 1st grade teacher. I think everyone in the entire school knows Alex loves his first grade teacher!

As much as I hate to see Alex sad, I find it wonderful that he is experiencing so much emotion and love for others. Also, his love for his class and teacher has been a good motivator for him to display self-control.

We are grateful for this new plan and pray that it, coupled with his therapy and the help and care he receives at home will turn this situation around.

Catching Up

I think I caught a bad case of bloggers block these past few months and am hoping to get back into the swing of things.

Just to catch up, Alex had his first semester break the end of September, beginning of October and we went on three family day trips - to the Sacramento Zoo, Fairy Tale Town and Apple Hill.

I think Alex’s least favorite was the zoo. He was doing fine at first (loved the giraffes) until we got to the monkey cage. There were two swingin’ kinda guys in there – a great show for we human spectators. Then, along came a lady and her daughter, approaching the cage as if they had some sort special communication powers with these creatures. The mom leaned forward and gave out a sort of chimpanzeeish kind of loud squawk. Wouldn’t you know it, the monkey’s repeated her, like in the exact pitch and everything...at double the volume!

I thought this was kind of cool until I saw the look on Alex’s face. The noise sent him on a panicked journey inside his head. Once he’s in there, it’s hard to get him back out again. Now, all he remembers about the zoo is how he doesn’t like the monkeys.

On a more positive note, both kids loved “The Crooked Mile” in Fairytale town. They ran the curvy path so many times that they were completely exhausted by the end of the day. We got them to bed extra early that night. Also, the hay and corn mazes at the various farms on Apple Hill were a big hit too. We liked Abel’s Apple Acres the best. I think there’s something to the patterns in these things that is very comforting to Alex.

We thought it strange that we didn’t eat one apple the whole day up there, nor did we take home a pie. When you have two kids and one with autism, waiting in a mile long line is not one’s idea of a good time. We did end up with an apple and berry pie for Thanksgiving via some friends. Now I know what the hype is all about. They were delicious!

Autism Meetup Group

There is a fairly new Lodi - Stockton Autism Meetup Group that has started through the networking site meetup.com. Founded on July 21, 2008, there are now 18 parents of children with autism who have become members, me being one of them.

The goal of the group, as stated on the website, is to “have fairly regular play dates for our children, and have parent activities as well where we can get to know one another and learn new things about treatments, strategies or just everyday practical advice.”

Past and up and coming events in the Lodi/Stockton area are posted with all the details.

I’m so glad I was told about this group. It’s a great way to meet other parents who are going through the same kinds of challenges. It’s also a great way to stay connected, share ideas and to be informed of trainings and other events.

Browse the site, become a member, read the message board and share your thoughts. See you there!

I Don't Get It!

You know what one of my biggest problems is with this whole autism thing? I just don’t get it! There are times when I think I do (hey, maybe I can work for the M.I.N.D some day, hmmm) but then I’m slapped back into reality right quick.

For example, we’ve tried everything we know to prepare Alex for school and to keep his behavior in check. We’ve tried showing him the daily schedule, using star charts to earn time with a preferred activity, we've tried tightening up discipline, reading him social stories, asking and implementing the expert’s advice and still, he’ll sit there kicking his desk and yelling.

Then, on another day he’ll get a glowing report and we’ll think, hey, this new idea or that new tactic worked - whoopee! Then, the very next day, he’ll be so disruptive he’ll need to leave the classroom and even be sent home. What’s up with that?

So I know his major deficit is theory of mind and language. Not having the ability to walk in someone else’s shoes coupled with having a hard time coming up with the words to express himself is a double whammy that causes all sorts of social problems. Being someone who cares too much about what other people think, I have the worst time trying to figure him out.

Then there are all the sensory issues he faces on a daily basis. Maybe the paper glares in his face too much, maybe the florescent lights are flickering or making a low buzz noise, maybe there are too many kids facing him, too many problems on a page or too many colors in the room and things on the wall and everything makes him dizzy. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be there and would rather kick his desk. Who knows?

It’s heartbreaking and stressful because I see what his behavior is doing when he doesn't. I want so much for him to be successful, to have friends, to follow the rules, to stop driving people nuts, to be happy. Well, he actually is happy because he doesn’t get that he’s causing others to be so frustrated. His MO is, if I’m happy why are you not?

My husband prays faithfully for Alex every night at his bedside – that his brain will make the proper connections so he can be healed from this disorder.

The more we try to control his issues the more we realize just how little control we really have. Sometimes, prayer is all we have left.

Then there’s the unexpected blessing. After Alex’s last playgroup, his therapist told us, “Yesterday proved to be a very successful session. Alex's behavior was outstanding. He followed directions, took turns, participated appropriately, and was really nice to all the group members. KUDOS to Alex!!” I savored the blessing as much as I could, knowing he is capable of being an empathetic individual. At the same time, I brace myself - tomorrow is a whole new day.

Lecture Series Online

My husband, Jon, and I celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary this past Friday. I was surprised with a new iMac when I woke up that morning, all set up and everything. What a guy!

Now I can finally watch all the touching and informative video clips about autism online without all the scrambling, blipping and choppy sounds my 8-year-old computer handed out.

This week, my goal is to watch some of the UC Davis M.I.N.D. Institute Distinguished Lecture Series presentations online. We’ve found it a challenge to make it up to Sacramento, so I was thrilled to find that I can watch them from the comfort of my own home.

If interested in attending in person, The Lecturer Series is scheduled on the second Wednesday of each month from October 2008 through June 2009 in the auditorium of the M.I.N.D. Institute at 2825 50th Street in Sacramento. Sessions are free and open to the public; no reservations are needed. Each speaker in this series will give two lectures: a technical presentation at 4 p.m. and a general-interest presentation at 6 p.m., each followed by a question and answer period.

Some online lecture topics that caught my attention are:

Can Children with Autism "Recover?
The Science and Fiction of Autism
My Experience with Autism (Temple Grandin)
Medication Treatment in Autism: What Really Works
Autism: Have Child Immunizations Created an Epidemic?

Oh my goodness, there are so many! Happy viewing.